There is a particular silence and low key pain that fills you when you take a break from your kids. This is a kind of silence most mothers are all too familiar with. It is not the soulful kind of silence that brings peace or relaxation, but the kind that has questions like:
“Are they okay?”
“Was it the right decision?
“Am I a bad mom because, God, I really, really need this time away?”
Mom guilt is real, and it often shows up in these quiet, heartbreaking moments when we finally give ourselves permission to pause.
A week ago, I visited my hometown, Eldoret. It was supposed to be a quiet visit to lay my aunt to rest, an opportunity to catch up, recharge, and finally get a break from the chaos of mothering. Behind, I left my two children with their dad. They were happy. Safe. Fed. Loved.
But a twist, I wasn’t.
The Weight of Guilt
Guilt, I found, unpacked itself as I unpacked at home, settling over my entire mind. I would video call the kids twice a day on WhatsApp. I kept checking for updates. I lay awake at night worrying if they missed me too much. When my husband called me, I had that funny combination of relief and pain:
“They are doing great!” he said.
“How are they just doing great without me?”
That was the guilt talking.
Even though I knew I needed this time away, I doubted myself at every step. That is the trick of mom guilt, it doesn’t always stem from wrongdoing. Other times it is just the guilt that comes from doing something right.
Where It Comes From
The society has placed emphasis that good moms are always there, always giving, always sacrificing. We rarely talk about what it means to pour into ourselves. To rest. To breathe. To recall who we were before diaper changes, playtimes and bedtime routines.
And what happens when we do make time for that forgotten person? Guilt slips in as an unwelcome visitor.
But here is what I am beginning to understand:
Guilt Isn’t a Measure of Love
Just because I felt guilty doesn’t mean I am a bad mother. It means I am a human being.
One who loves deeply. A woman interested in the well-being of her children.
But also, one who should rest, find joy, and enjoy her own space.
Life away from my little minions-
I once again met bits of myself in Eldoret. I walked through the same streets that made me. I laughed with my sisters. I sipped my mom’s tea slowly without someone calling me ‘mama’ every 2 minutes. I wrote in silence.
And for the first time in so long, I remembered what peace without responsibility felt like.
Rewriting the Narrative
Let me be clear: Mom guilt is not abandonment. It is simply love for yourself and for your children.
When I prioritize self-care, I show up as a more attentive, more present, more loving mama. That is not selfish but a wise move.
Are you experiencing mom guilt? Tell yourself, “I need and deserve a break” with no guilt. Go out there and get pleasure from moments that have nothing to do with motherhood.
……………….
And if you are reading this, and you have felt that tightness in your chest after leaving your baby at daycare, home, or that sinking feeling when you book a solo trip. You are not alone.
Mom guilt is real. But it is not the whole story.
We cannot judge how much we love our kids by how much we sacrifice for them.
Let’s measure it by how much we show up for them, in joy, pain etc. and, yes, even in rest.
With love and no mom guilt,
Joy Tich 💛
